I’ve been feeling so much negativity regarding gay marriage (and homosexuality in general) today. This morning some neighbors-I think they’re Mormons, came by my house and wanted to talk to my mom about Prop 8. They went outside to talk but I listened in… My mom was saying that “she’s all for giving people rights but you have to draw the line somewhere.” This kind of hurt me, but it also made me angry. I hate this “us vs. them” mentality. LGBT people are everywhere and all kinds of things; sexual orientation is just one aspect of a person’s identity. It shouldn’t matter so much to people and it shouldn’t be used to divide and dehumanize.
Another thing about what my mom said… I’m sure lots of people felt that way when blacks and women were given the right to vote, or when the ban on inter-racial marriage was deemed unconstitutional. My mom makes me so angry sometimes…she is unapologetically racist and sometimes religiously prejudiced too but I think I (and a decade or so of living in CA) have helped make her more open minded. I keep trying to tell her that prejudice is just never okay.
I guess the reason I brought up the fact that the people going door to door were Mormons is because my mom has said that she doesn’t like Mormons. She said that “they only help their own” because at one of her past jobs Mormon people kept unfairly promoting and helping out other Mormons. But hey, she can get all chummy with them to diss gay people. I guess my point is that people can find things in common with everyone. How beautiful is that? All kinds of people can dislike gays, or Mexicans, or people who eat rice with ketchup, or puppies, in harmony! In all seriousness though, this is why I find prejudice so ridiculous. How can you hate people before you even get to know them?
Later, when I was watching the Olympics with my family, this commercial came on (only it just ended with the “what if you couldn’t marry the person you love?” shot). My aunt remarked that the commercial was “so annoying,” and I asked why, because I hadn’t seen it before. She just said “because it’s for gay marriage”. Which kind of annoyed me. Because so what? The way she responded to it just felt like maybe the commercial made her question her anti-gay stance a little. Maybe it intrigued her and after finding out that it was for gay marriage rights she felt betrayed. My aunt is like my mom, but more prejudiced (I try to convert her to open-mindedness too, man it’s tough being me =P).
During dinner my mom brought up Prop 8 and they (my mom, dad, and aunt) all started agreeing with each other how gay marriage will degrade society’s morality. I just kept quiet this time because I was getting kind of weary of thinking about it literally all day (I tend to dwell on stuff). My mom pointed out that I supported gay marriage and tried to joke that it was because I’m gay. I gotta say, my heart jumped a little at that. I didn’t deny it though, I just kept eating and watching TV.
I want to debate homosexuality with them in earnest. I have talked about it a few times but I always try to be all nonchalant. I’m afraid of debating it at length and in detail because I think they will suspect me of being gay.
August 18, 2008 at 1:40 am
First and foremost, I think it’s unfortunate that the only exposure you have had to Mormons have been the ones you described at your mom’s workplace. From the way you described it, that was very dishonest of them to do. As a member of the LDS Church (“Mormon” is our nickname) I can attest to you that we do not promote that sort of behavior in our church. In fact, we strive to love all and treat everyone equally, regardless of religion.
I would like to comment on you trying to “convert” your relatives to open-mindedness. I think in the world today, our definition of being open-minded is a little warped. It has changed from a just definition of “willing to consider new ideas” to “willing to accept new ideas.” Being open-minded does not mean that “anything goes,” and that every new concept and idea is accepted, regardless of potential consequences.
I urge you to read the article at the link I have provided at the end of my comment. It is an article put out by the LDS Church meant to specifically explain our position on same-sex marriage, and why we support Prop 8. It is a rather long article, but it is very enlightening.
God bless.
August 18, 2008 at 1:47 am
Oops, I forgot to leave the link 🙂
http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-divine-institution-of-marriage
Nice blog, by the way.
August 18, 2008 at 2:12 am
Thanks for your comment, Jesse.
I think I can see what you’re saying with regards to open-mindedness. I know that I am biased in judging my family’s open-mindedness because I want them to agree with my unpopular opinion, but I think that any kind of prejudice is closed-minded. Do you agree with this?
Convert was sort of a strong word for me to use, I meant more like…I regularly offer dissenting opinions to see what they think when they dig deeper.
I have read your blog post on the LDS Church and Prop 8, but I would rather not debate it because this is more of a personal blog than activist or political.
I found this post to be very interesting and I respectfully urge you to read it as well: http://the-exponent.com/2008/08/09/guest-post-on-christianity-and-proposition-8/
August 18, 2008 at 4:17 am
for me a gay marriage is cant be accepted or aproved. and its not something new in this world. i have read in bible about homosexuality in Sodom and Gomorah. it have been mentioned in bible, so its not a new idea. We know what GOD did to that city, He burned it all, because ‘HE DOESNT APROVE HOMOSEXUALITY’. if GOD have made His own decision like that, must we still talking about the probability to accept homosexuality? i said no to homosexuality.
August 18, 2008 at 4:28 am
its not just about gay marriage but it more about homosexuality itself. if homosexuality cant be accepted by GOD, so why we’re still talking the ‘new idea’ of gay marriage? bible dont mention about gay marriage, but it have been clear that GOD couldnt accept homosexuality, sure gay marriage is not acceptable by Him. Let’s back to the bible and learn more about His words.
best regards,
-herliando-
August 18, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I agree with you there: prejudice is close-mindedness. Prejudice is making a decision before becoming aware of relevant facts. Being open-minded and not prejudging is very important for peace and tolerance in society. Stephen Covey describes it as seeking first to understand, then to be understood.
My intentions also are not to debate this topic with you. I hope that’s not what I came across as when I gave you that link 🙂 Again, I think that article will do much good in that it will inform all, both supporters and opponents of Prop 8, as to why the LDS Church believes what they do.
I read the article you suggested. It is very interesting, thanks.
God bless.
August 18, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Hello herliando,
I mean no disrespect but I wonder if you are writing from America (I checked your blog but still couldn’t really discern if you were), because for me this is very much an issue of freedom as well as equality. Many people who have moral objections to homosexuality are religious and argue that the bible says it is wrong, but America was founded on the desire for religious freedom. The bible also condones, and in parts outlines provisions for, the ownership of slaves. We see today that the oppression of others in this way is wrong. I believe that parts of the bible were not divinely inspired, and were merely reflective of social mores of that particular time.
I am no expert on theology, but my interpretation is that Sodom was destroyed because of rampant immorality in the forms of impiousness, rape, cruelty, and lack of hospitality. In Ezekiel 16:48-50 God accuses Jerusalem of being worse than Sodom. He explains that the sin of Sodom was that “She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me.”
August 18, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Thanks Jesse,
I know that many people are campaigning for, and supporting, Prop 8 because they have thought deeply about it and genuinely believe that it is for the greater good. For this I respect you. Even though I disagree 🙂
August 19, 2008 at 5:02 am
It’s tough your family believe as they do, but at least you’re making them think, which is always good. 🙂 I’m a massive V for Vendetta fan – there’s a fantasic gay sympathy moment in it that always makes me cry. Have you or they seen it? ‘Coz I totally reccommend.
August 19, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Yeah great movie
that scene was sweet 🙂
August 24, 2008 at 11:59 pm
The world is changing so fast. When I first came out to all my friends at age 20 (in 1985), they all said they supported me, but they all very quickly faded away, stopped inviting me when they got together, quietly backed away from the friendship even though we’d all grown up together. Twenty-three years later, I’m married to the woman of my dreams, we have an amazing group of extraordinary friends, and I work for an order of Catholic nuns who support my right to marry another woman as “a question of justice.” How things have changed since 1985. I’m excited to see what the next 23 years will bring.
Hang in there. Love and justice are 2 mighty forces!
August 25, 2008 at 11:25 am
Thanks so much, Katie! These are some pretty exciting times.
August 25, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I hate to interrupt this sweet blog with a question that Katie’s comment brings up, but I’m going to ask it.
These nuns you speak of, how can the justify homosexual behavior if they claim to believe in and follow the Bible as their religious text?
August 25, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I don’t want to hijack this sweet lady’s blog with a theological debate, nor am I in a position to speak for the sisters, but if I were to venture a quick guess at the source of the sisters’ compassion, I’d have to say that it’s likely connected with the same reason that the sisters don’t condone killing rebellious children (Deut. 21, 18-21), or killing people who have to work on Sunday (Exodus 35, 2), or even killing women who misrepresent themselves as virgins (Deut. 22, 20-21). In other words, the sisters are highly educated, extremely intelligent, deep thinking, compassionate women who understand that we are all (without exception) God’s children, and that the Holy Bible was never intended to be used as a weapon to pit man against man.
But that’s just my guess.
(Apologies to ConcreteReverie.)
August 25, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Katie,
All of those things you mentioned are components of the lower law, or law of Moses, which Jesus Christ fulfilled, or did away with, during His life and eventual Atonement.
The Bible most definitely is not a weapon to pit man against man, but man against sin.
October 21, 2008 at 1:43 am
many people dont understand that in biblical times, gay couples did not exist. yes, there was homosexuality, but only in the form of fornication. im sure you know what that is. basically, fornication is not approved in the bible. it’s pretty specific on its monogamous ideals. it is rightly so. if everyone were truly monogamous, the std rate would be low to non-existent.
hate truly does exist, but its birthplace is in ignorance. try to educate the open-minded. there is nothing you can do with the cold-hearted. this is saddening, but true.