I almost came out to my best friend today. I was so nervous the whole day, but I never really knew when to say it. We hung out with some guy friends then later watched TV at her house. We didn’t have a lot of time alone though, ’cause her mom came home soon after we did.

I’ve also been wondering if I should tell her I’m bi or a lesbian. I’m really still as confused as ever. Some days I feel completely gay, some days I don’t want to think about relationships *at all*, some days I even feel straight. Then I thought, why don’t I just tell her just that, all that I’ve been feeling? That I might be bi, I might be gay, that I’m still confused. I don’t know why I have such a hard time saying what’s really on my mind. A lot of times I don’t say exactly what I’m thinking, I say some pre-crafted answer that I think will fit in better with what people want to hear. I’m trying to stop this pattern, but it’s kind of complicated because a lot of times I have trouble explaining my thoughts, so I guess I’m afraid of fumbling around with words when I could just give an easy, not-quite-right answer.

I do trust my friend. I think she would be very understanding. I guess the right time won’t come and I’ve just got to do it before I chicken out. I want to tell her before we both leave for college. The next time we hang out alone, I’ll try again. Just..”Hey, I’ve got something to tell you..”

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