I was cleaning up around the house today (long overdue 
) and I kept finding stuff from when I was a kid, like stationary I never used, beanie babies, and journals. I kept feeling so embarassed when I looked at the stuff I wrote, and the drawings! Oh god, the drawings. Maybe this is a common feeling; I just wanted to hide them forever. I think I would regret throwing them away; maybe someday I can look at them and laugh fondly, but right now I don’t feel far enough removed from them to not be embarassed.
I also felt sad looking at them. Although I’ve not been particularly sad lately, this year I had a nasty spell of depression and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends. Looking at those random trinkets, rubber dinosaur keychains and 5th birthday cards from people I don’t remember at all, I was reminded of how lighthearted and safe I felt as a child. How easy it was to make friends, to say what I was thinking, to be entertained. I lost a lot of that in middle school. Middle school’s just a bitch. I don’t know anyone who looks back fondly on that time period :/ Thankfully, I think I’m through the worst of it. But this song lyric feels really apt:
That’s not to say
I don’t have good times,
but as for my days,
I spend them waiting
-Rilo Kiley, “Science vs. Romance”
I keep waiting, and I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. It’s an unhealthy habit, this mood that I slip into. Darn. I meant for this to not be such a serious post. Well here’s a quote that I like that’s not so serious :]
If the world didn’t suck so much we’d all fall off.
